Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Peter Pan Syndrome

What if you're attracted to a man and he isn't committing to you?

He likes spending time with you, and you're sleeping together, but each time things get too intense, he backs off, becomes distant, and stops asking you out.

Are you also enduring a situation where he blows hot and cold and keeps you so off-balance that you never know where you stand with him or where the relationships going?

Well I call it, “The Peter Pan Syndrome”. 

I had a man I'd been seeing for about more than a year (I suppose) who seemed totally over the moon about me in every way, and who'd been a "friend" and co-worker before we started dating (if I may call that way).

We both agreed to being "just friends", but when I did, he almost immediately changed his mind.

I knew he was just scared. I knew he thought he was in over his head. I knew he cared for me but just didn't think he was ready for any kind of commitment (well, that's what he told me). But, knowing all that didn't make me feel any better.

In the space I tried to create for a couple of days, I'd gone from being a "goddess-like" woman he'd always thought was "out- of-reach" and "out-of-his-league" to a powerless, insecure woman who felt at his mercy.

How did I allow that to happen?

Because I know deep down - I FELT "not enough" - and he just tapped right into that and grabbed all the power in the relationship. It took me years and years to figure out how this was always happening to me. How I'd give up my power in the relationship and let the man run my emotions. And then it took me more years to stop that from happening ever again.

From the moment I will be able to figure out what I needed to do and not do to really take care of myself – maybe that's when the great men will start to show up.

Well, what if one day he's coming on strong, pursuing you, and then he practically ignores you. One day he's affectionate and warm, and the next he seems completely cold and withdrawn from you. One day he calls you five times in a row, and the next day -- nothing.

The hardest thing in a situation like this is to know what to say to him when you're feeling so disappointed and frustrated...without pushing him away or getting into a fight.

I worried and complained to my friends, and tried to act as if it was all okay and that I was handling things. I actually tried to make it seem like I was okay with being treated badly. Like I was okay with being introduced as a "friend", (well, I know friends lang naman kame) and "okay" with not even being kissed or just touched once in an evening out with his "other" friends. 

It took me a long time to get that needing or wanting a real relationship - wanting a man to behave with me the way a man is supposed to behave with a woman he likes (let alone LOVES) was not a sign of weakness.

It took me a long time to get that I DESERVED to be loved and FEEL loved.

It feels humiliating and horrible.

So, what if I pull away from a man who wants to be "friends," without having more and more discussion about his point of view - is this running away?

Is it selfish?

Is it treating him as "disposable"?

I guess, some men (including him) don't need more than what he has with me right now. I really don't know. There may not be another woman. There may be many other women. There may not be another woman for years. It makes no difference. He may never be into any woman. He may frequent prostitutes for all I know.

But the most important question has nothing to do with him. The important question is: do I want to be right, and make sure he knows I am right, and make sure he knows what he did wrong, or should I question myself, do I want to be loved?

If I can put all that "right-ness" aside, maybe I can change my love life overnight.

But what usually happen is this --  the moment I stop making him wrong, berating him, complaining, or telling him what he should have done or should do, he'll relax.

He'll relax in a way he has never allowed himself to relax with any other woman. He'll suddenly stop being defensive. And we all know what a man does what he feels defensive right?-- he pulls away. He doesn't try harder to make us happy -- no -- he'll just withdraw.

He'll stop FEELING affectionate.

He'll stop wanting to do anything for you.

He'll just use all of his energy to protect himself from what he perceives as a threat. He'll walk away.

The most awful part of this is that I "think" what I was doing is just "letting him know" how bad he makes me feel. But the sad part was, its just getting worse. :|

I think, a man with this kind of syndrome (Peter Pan Syndrome), can be a no-win situation.

I don't know how long I will wait. Or how far I can go. All I can say now is... I don't know. 

NYX Haul

My lipstick collection is fast growing. So I thought of sharing it to you guys the brand/s I use, highly recommend and L.O.V.E. ;) Anyways, I'll start of with my most favorite brand~~ NYX.

Here are swatches of NYX Matte Lipstick (PHP250) and NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream (PHP240) I bought online at The Make up Store  by Izza Marie Yee (you might want to check her Facebook site). I purchased Summer Breeze and Pure Red (both are Matte Lipstick), Istanbul and Addis Ababa (Soft Matte Lip Cream). These lipsticks are extremely gorgeous! They have a matte finish, they're not much drying (at least to me), and they are cheap compared to other lipstick brands I own. I have purchased some lippies from other brands which is a matte finish as well and it's sooo dry, and they last on average 2-3 hours on my lips. In comparison, these are very moisturizing and very pigmented! And they have a sweet scent too. I love them. :)

photo from makeupbymissyraabe.com
Addis Ababa and Istanbul
Addis Ababa && Istanbul swatches
Addis Ababa (Soft Matte Lip Cream)
photo from makeupchic.blogspot.com
Istanbul (Soft Matte Lip Cream)

photo from vampyvarnish.com
Pure Red (Matte Lipstick)
photo from xxxbeautyredefinedxxx.blogspot.com
Summer Breeze (Matte Lipstick)
I think the only con is that there is no store yet for NYX products here in the Philippines. So you have to search for a seller and buy online to avail them. You need to pre-order them and wait for 2-3 weeks before you get your item. I also took the liberty of comparing these lipsticks to other lipsticks in my collection. You'll find more about my other lippie collections soon. So stay tune to my next blog. Will post more about them.

Overall, I am very satisfied with this lipstick as far as the shades and formula goes. This is one of my favorite lip brands (as of the moment). I've been using this for 2 months now (I guess?) going 3 months. 

If you guys are looking for a matte lipstick, but on a budget, can't afford MAC or NARS, you can definitely try this one out. ;)

Friday, 25 November 2011

Change of Heart

I've been thinking about selling my old camera, Milo. It comes with a 430 EX II speedlite.

And (still planning) thinking of getting this one. 

Sobrang dami na din kaseng gumagamit ng SLR e. That I grew tired of using it. HAHA. *Sorry Milo, please forgive me, I have to give up on you na. :(*

I just wanna go back to a point and shoot camera. 

Hmmm. What do you think?

The Younghusbands

With James and Phil @ Kahuna Beach Resort, La Union

Who would have known na mami-meet ko sila in FLESH. Smell them, touch them and sit just right next to them :) Haha! I'm so lucky!

Anyways, they're at Kahuna Resort, in La Union (just in time for the Coasty event). I think they're campaigning for the Azkals vs LA Galaxy game that's happening on December! :)

Let's support them guys!


I'm speechless!

OMG! I don't know what to say. This made me cry. :( Thank you so much to these people who shared this video and to the great wonders of youtube. Such an inspiration. I hope I'll find my man (like him, or better) soon. :)

So much love.

Thursday, 24 November 2011

My Christmas "How I Wish-list!" :D

Hindi naman masamang mag-wish this Christmas right? So there, these are the following goodies I want and LOVE to have for Christmas! I hope Santa will get to read this and grant me kahit 1 lang or 2? Hahaha. Or if he's generous enough, he can give them all. :)

Haaay! Ang sarap mangarap naman.
The Time Teller P (red) by Nixon
 Mura lang 'to swear! 2k + I think? So okay, maybe I'll get this myself.
McTavish Fireball Evolution 9'0"
Wuhuuu really nice log, yes?
Women's Nike Lunar Eclipse+
 I'm size 6 by the way. ;)
The North Face Heckler or Amira bag (red, of course)
A happy camper bag!!!!

and last but not the least,

Samsung Galaxy S II
A new phone! YAY!

I hope my Santa will give me kahit 1 or 2 lang from these. Hahaha!!!! 


Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Coasty Weekend :)

12-13 November 2011

Just right after my suppper tiring and sleepless KL Trip, I got a surprise text from my previous workmates, Carla and Marco. Carla texted me, saying that Chef Marco (her previous boss) asked for my number. Then I got a text from Chef Marco congratulating me that I won the Coast Thru Life Coasty weekend with Jericho Rosales, Nikki De La Paz and Buji Libarner (surferstars couple) and the rest was history. 

I was shocked. And couldn't believe it at first. Until I checked my Facebook and received a private message from one of the members of CTL, Nikki. HAHA I don't know what to say! I was really surprised that I almost jumped for joy! (parang bata lang)

The funny part was, CTL members Chef Marco Portugal was my former office-mate at CCA and Kuya Joncy, is Marc's (my Beda friend) older brother. Small world, yes?

Well in this whole event thing, I can bring one friend with me, so I contacted every friend I know who's interested to join me. 'Til an old friend and coach from SBCA, Ajjie said yes to me. Haha, buti nalang hindi ako mag-isa. Otherwise, I'll die in hiya! hahaha. :P

It was an overnight event. Well, actually a 3-4 days event for Coast Thru Life. Some members went ahead of us, like Nikki, Buji, Carla and Ian. Then stayed longer for their Waves for Water advocacy. I was given an overnight stay at Kahuna Beach Resort, take note, one of the best (or should I say expensive) resorts in La Union. Special treatment indeed. :)

It was one helluva weekend. :) I got to meet so many wonderful people. I got to meet Jericho Rosales. Not only that, he was my surf coach. Haha! Sabi ko nga para akong nasa teleserye that time. :) I got to meet Malibu's professional surfer, Carla Rowland, you should check her out: http://carlarowland.com, and her hubby (husband-to-be), Fil-Am Ian Zamora who's also a surf enthusiast and a shaper. Check his amazing work of art here: http://www.zamorasurf.com/. :)

Photo from Coast Thru Life
Photo from Coast Thru Life

Photo by Kage Gozun
Surfing 101 with Jericho Rosales
Photo by Coast Thru Life
Echo to Me: This is the right way to carry your board.
With Carla Rowland and Ian Zamora


I had the best time of my life.

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Malaysia Trip.

This is Me with KR's chicken mascot. ;)
Yummy vanilla ice cream for 3 ringgit!
Me and Dar with Marybrown mascot. :)
Before heading to Bukit Tinggi with Doyo. :)
Doyo with Marybrown! Haha! Pogi lang oh. :D
At Colmar Tropicale, Bukit Tinggi.

Will post photos some other time. ;) 


Hello there!

Hello blogger world! I have quite a few blog sites, (tumblr, multiply, etc), but really don't have the time to open, or yeah, have the time to write. Not really busy, maybe I just grew tired writing about heartbroken emo stuff thats happening in my life for the past months. But now, I decided to start a new one. For a change, I guess? I hope I can open and update you guys as often as I could. Anyways, I guess this is enough for a pilot blog post? What you think? Will post more sensible ones, I promise. 

Stay safe loves! 


Saturday, 19 November 2011

Food for my craving tummy! :)

Yummy treat from Doyo! :)
Doyo: "Bhe, I bought you cinnamon swirl. ;)"
Me: Yey! And a double tall 4 pumps vanilla latte please? Hahah!

E kaso 1 lang pwede nyang empbev, so pastry nalang muna for me today. :)