Saturday, 31 March 2012

Life In Moving Pictures: A Mother's Love

For today's theme in "Life in Moving Pictures", I want to dedicate this to every mother in the whole universe, who sacrificed their lives for their children and for the one they love. They are the best definition of what TRUE LOVE AND SACRIFICE is all about. You deserve all the recognition you can get. Nothing and no one can ever replace the role of being a Mother. 

{Hence, I also wanted to share with you the letter I wrote for my Mama 2 years ago, when she was first diagnosed with cancer}

12 October 2010 
Dear Mama, 
When you were first diagnosed with Adenocarcinoma or Lung Cancer, for nearly a month I researched on what will happen. What new drugs were out, what food should you eat, what was the course for treatment, what is the life expectancy, etc. I wanted to know all of it. I read stories upon stories of other women diagnosed with Lung cancer. I needed to know what to expect. I just needed to know.
 Now? Now I can’t look at another article or read another story. I know that sounds horrible, but the truth of it all is that I cannot read anymore because there are no happy ending. And that just sucks. =|
There are no words to describe how I feel watching you get sick, again.
I am mad. So freaking mad. Mad that your doctor just looked at me with a blank face whenever he pays you a visit at the hospital. Mad that we can't do anything to ease the pain you're going through.
On top of being so mad, I have to say that I am mostly heart broken. You may drive me absolutely insane because our personalities are so polar opposite a lot of times, but it does not change the fact that I need you here. Everyday. 
I want to annoy you every single day with my katigasan ng ulo. I want to annoy you by pulling stupid pranks on you just to hear you yell and then sit back and laugh together. 
I don’t know life without you. And I don’t want to, ever. And I know how unrealistic this is of me. I was never vocal with my feelings, alam mo naman yun. Ate and I may be old enough, but we still need our "Mama". 
I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much. I love your spirit. I don’t look at this as a death sentence anymore, because you showed me that life is now. Now is what matters. 
It is a funny thing, life. I spent so many years challenging you, and pushing for my independence and freedom and I watch life come full circle now that I have to face challenges alone. But the one thing remains a constant, you and your love for us. Somehow you knew that no matter how annoying we are, we would somehow find our way back, to you. 
So you may have this stupid disease, and I may say it is robbing your health, or even the other day I said it is robbing me of you. But the one thing I realized while thinking about what to write was that it will never ever rob me of you. It can’t. I won’t allow it. You live in me. 
Your love is in every ounce of who I am. I won’t let it take away the amazing memories. 
I think of you every single time I hear Because you love me by Celine Dion.. because you have showed me that no matter what, you will always be there for us,, unconditionally forgiving and loving us. 
I love you. I'm sorry for all the things I've done. 
We need you Mama, please be strong for us.

Here's a song for you Ma.... and to every mother across the globe.